The context: This is the character intro song for Kishka, the lascivious Russian spy... I mean, the sexy cabaret singer. She shows up at the tiny theater in Nothing Like Broadway! and applies for a job. This is her debut performance. She laments that, while she is beloved by a certain type of gentleman, he always seems to admire her fabulous singing voice more than her voluptuous body.
A little about the creation of this song: This song took forever to write and rewrite. I knew it had to be a showstopper. I knew it had to sound sort of Russian, and sort of nightclub-cabaret (and Cabaret). She is such a fun character, and I wanted to keep working on the song until it gave her (and the actress performing her) the chance to show every ounce of comedy, menace, sexiness, and vulnerability she had. (Oh, and also every belted note that exists!) (Vocal by April Leonhard.)
A little about the creation of this song: This song took forever to write and rewrite. I knew it had to be a showstopper. I knew it had to sound sort of Russian, and sort of nightclub-cabaret (and Cabaret). She is such a fun character, and I wanted to keep working on the song until it gave her (and the actress performing her) the chance to show every ounce of comedy, menace, sexiness, and vulnerability she had. (Oh, and also every belted note that exists!) (Vocal by April Leonhard.)
You Only Love Me for My...
Music & Lyrics by David Rackoff
Music & Lyrics by David Rackoff
KISHKA
As a child, in the north, my dear mother, she would say, “Speak loud, so the world can hear ya”.
So I yelled, and I hollered, and they heard through the land, all the way up north to north Sibeer-ya.
When I blossomed, I left home, and I plied my girlish charms, with grace, and so very perkily.
I wound up with no suitors, no lovers, no love. Just a b.f.a. in voice… from Berk-ih-lee.
My story is a song, so sad to tell.
But at least my song, I sing...
AND SING IT WELL.
FROM TIME TO TIME, A MAN WILL CATCH MY EYE.
HE’LL WEAR A TINY SUIT AND FUCHSIA TIE.
HE’S HEARD OF ME FROM MEN FROM NORTH TO SOUTH.
HE TELLS ME THAT I HAVE A FAMOUS MOUTH.
BUT HE IS NOT A LECHER.
I DON’T WANT TO BE A KVETCHER.
LIKE ALL THE OTHER MEN WITH WHOM I’VE DEALT…
THAT MAN, HE ONLY LOVED ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT MY BELT!
I MET A MAN, AND SOON ENOUGH WE WED.
ONE EV’NING AS I CRAWLED INTO THE BED,
I ASKED HIM WHAT I DO, HE LIKES THE BEST.
HE SAID HE LIKES IT WHEN I HOLD MY CHEST.
HE DIDN’T MEAN MY TA-TAS.
WHAT HE MEANT WAS MY FERMATAS!
HE CARED NOT IF I’M CURVY OR I’M SVELTE.
MY HUSBAND ONLY LOVED ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT, MY BELT!
IN MY DREAMS, THERE’S A MAN WHO LOVES ME SO DEAR.
HE LIKES WHEN I MURMUR SWEET WORDS IN HIS EAR.
HE WILL BECKON TO ME OFTLY.
SING IT HIGH, BUT SING IT SOFTLY.
FOR ME TO HAVE NO MAN, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
I LOOK AROUND AND SEE SUCH HANDSOME GENTS.
I’M LOVELY WOMAN, BOSOMY AND RIPE.
BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME I AM NOT YOUR TYPE.
YOU SIT THERE OUT AND PROUDLY.
AND YOU LIKE ME SINGING LOUDLY…
LOUDLY!
YOU’LL NEVER MAKE MY ICY HEART TO MELT.
YOU QUEENS, YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT…
MY TIME UP HERE IS COMING TO A STOP.
YOU HAVEN’T EVEN HEARD MY TIPPY TOP!
WHY MUST I BELT MY SOCKS OFF?
IS THAT HOW YOU GET YOUR ROCKS OFF?
I’M CONSUMMATE ARTIST,
BUT ALSO SEXY BEAST!
YOU PERVERTS GET YOUR KICKS
WHEN HEAD AND CHEST VOICE MIX.
THE MENS, THEY LOVE MY SONG.
I’VE NEVER TOUCHED A SCHLONG.
YOU GET THIS THING I SAYED?
I’M NEEDING GETTING LAID.
BEFORE YOUR FRIEND EXPLODES,
OR, GOD FORBID, GETS NODES!
MY BODY OR MY VOICE?
YOU MUST TO MAKE A CH--
THERE’S DIFF’RENT TYPES
OF LOVE, YES THIS IS TRUE.
SO MANY STRIPES.
THEN WHY MY GRIPES?
I LOVE TO LOVE THEM, TOO.
I LIKE MY
SLAVERING
SUPPLICANT
WORSHIPPING
NANCY BOY
WONDERFUL FANS!
SO IF BELT, THIS CROWD ENJOYS,
I LOVE MY LOVELY BOYS.
YOU’VE MADE ME CHANGE THE WAY MY FEELINGS FELT!
I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME FOR MY BELT,
MY BELT, MY BELT,
MY BELT!
MY BELT!
As a child, in the north, my dear mother, she would say, “Speak loud, so the world can hear ya”.
So I yelled, and I hollered, and they heard through the land, all the way up north to north Sibeer-ya.
When I blossomed, I left home, and I plied my girlish charms, with grace, and so very perkily.
I wound up with no suitors, no lovers, no love. Just a b.f.a. in voice… from Berk-ih-lee.
My story is a song, so sad to tell.
But at least my song, I sing...
AND SING IT WELL.
FROM TIME TO TIME, A MAN WILL CATCH MY EYE.
HE’LL WEAR A TINY SUIT AND FUCHSIA TIE.
HE’S HEARD OF ME FROM MEN FROM NORTH TO SOUTH.
HE TELLS ME THAT I HAVE A FAMOUS MOUTH.
BUT HE IS NOT A LECHER.
I DON’T WANT TO BE A KVETCHER.
LIKE ALL THE OTHER MEN WITH WHOM I’VE DEALT…
THAT MAN, HE ONLY LOVED ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT MY BELT!
I MET A MAN, AND SOON ENOUGH WE WED.
ONE EV’NING AS I CRAWLED INTO THE BED,
I ASKED HIM WHAT I DO, HE LIKES THE BEST.
HE SAID HE LIKES IT WHEN I HOLD MY CHEST.
HE DIDN’T MEAN MY TA-TAS.
WHAT HE MEANT WAS MY FERMATAS!
HE CARED NOT IF I’M CURVY OR I’M SVELTE.
MY HUSBAND ONLY LOVED ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT, MY BELT!
IN MY DREAMS, THERE’S A MAN WHO LOVES ME SO DEAR.
HE LIKES WHEN I MURMUR SWEET WORDS IN HIS EAR.
HE WILL BECKON TO ME OFTLY.
SING IT HIGH, BUT SING IT SOFTLY.
FOR ME TO HAVE NO MAN, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
I LOOK AROUND AND SEE SUCH HANDSOME GENTS.
I’M LOVELY WOMAN, BOSOMY AND RIPE.
BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME I AM NOT YOUR TYPE.
YOU SIT THERE OUT AND PROUDLY.
AND YOU LIKE ME SINGING LOUDLY…
LOUDLY!
YOU’LL NEVER MAKE MY ICY HEART TO MELT.
YOU QUEENS, YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY BELT, MY BELT…
MY TIME UP HERE IS COMING TO A STOP.
YOU HAVEN’T EVEN HEARD MY TIPPY TOP!
WHY MUST I BELT MY SOCKS OFF?
IS THAT HOW YOU GET YOUR ROCKS OFF?
I’M CONSUMMATE ARTIST,
BUT ALSO SEXY BEAST!
YOU PERVERTS GET YOUR KICKS
WHEN HEAD AND CHEST VOICE MIX.
THE MENS, THEY LOVE MY SONG.
I’VE NEVER TOUCHED A SCHLONG.
YOU GET THIS THING I SAYED?
I’M NEEDING GETTING LAID.
BEFORE YOUR FRIEND EXPLODES,
OR, GOD FORBID, GETS NODES!
MY BODY OR MY VOICE?
YOU MUST TO MAKE A CH--
THERE’S DIFF’RENT TYPES
OF LOVE, YES THIS IS TRUE.
SO MANY STRIPES.
THEN WHY MY GRIPES?
I LOVE TO LOVE THEM, TOO.
I LIKE MY
SLAVERING
SUPPLICANT
WORSHIPPING
NANCY BOY
WONDERFUL FANS!
SO IF BELT, THIS CROWD ENJOYS,
I LOVE MY LOVELY BOYS.
YOU’VE MADE ME CHANGE THE WAY MY FEELINGS FELT!
I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME FOR MY BELT,
MY BELT, MY BELT,
MY BELT!
MY BELT!
(For another random link, click here.)